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Alchemising weakness to strength

Uncategorized Aug 07, 2020

I’ve always been fiercely (and quietly) independent.

And I thought I was wrong to be this way.

I mean, everything out there in the world will tell you that life isn’t worth living if you don’t have close friendships, business collaborations and affiliations with interest groups.

So I made myself wrong and I beat myself up... figuratively, of course.

Because, of course I was wrong!

And everyone else was right.

My predominant archetype is the Alchemist.

Turning lead into gold.

And it makes sense that I do things ‘upside-down’ and the wrong way around.

It’s in my history.

  • deciding to leave school and never return at lunchtime mid-way through senior year.
  • Pregnant (almost out her teens) mum who never, not even once, considered that this was not in divine perfection.
  • Married for 13 years to my sons step-father with no other child in sight until I realized I was not willing to ‘die’ with my music still inside me and left my husband for the 2nd last time 17 years ago
  • 1 year and 9 months later (give or take a week) I left again with a baby and set out on my own again, to do my 2nd stint as a single mother.
  • SAHM on and off for the past 16 years and have built my business to where it now, finally, supports my son and I completely and I no longer have to seek outside employment (it’s been about 4 years now since the last one).

And I’ve pretty much done it all myself since then.

And beat myself up for not being willing to depend on anyone else.

To remain fiercely independent (and not so quiet about it now) J

To… do it my way (go on sing it, you know you want to).

I did it my way!

And I want to keep doing it my way.

This way works for me.

I’ve accepted it.

I think most of my friends have accepted it.

They may not always understand it… it might be confusing to them that we can have completely unfiltered and open conversations about anything at all… and I can also not ‘need’ them in any way (until I do).

And while the ‘until I do’ is rare…sometimes their need to be needed has led me to accept their help, to play to their need and loosen my boundaries.

Where I used to feel wrong about being fiercely independent…

I now see it as my strength - unique to me (and perhaps you too).

As I get older it has alchemized from an act of un-self-love into an act of unconditional self love.

I love my independence, my willingness to go it alone.

While also allowing others in to the deepness of me, without it having to be more than moments captured in time, tied up in unbreakable boundaries.

I feel strong now.

Like MYSELF -my real raw self, more than ever before.

As I alchemise my perceived weaknesses and see their true strength.

I’ve always been fiercely independent but I’m not going to be quiet about it anymore.

I’m not going to be quiet about it because I now see it for what it is.

I’ve always known I’m a sovereign being.

Following my own rules.

Not conforming to what is expected.

Sounds almost selfish doesn’t it... to those who just don’t KNOW that we are all one.

Just being and doing ME.

I see now, in this time we are in, why it took me a while to understand how others have reacted the way they have to what is going on out there in the world.

Have assumed they are losing their sovereignty.

Believing that they could ever be CONTROLLED.

No-one and nothing outside of you can EVER take control… not on the inside, not where it matters.

Not where your creative and ultimate power lives 

Not unless they take your ability to dream. 

Dream on. 

It’s an act of defiance.

Dream on.

(and by dream I mean envision your ideal life and world and take inspired action from that vision).

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